A Million Galleons
by MiSSxMELON
Summary: The picture? Four or five contestants all stuck in a British mini cooper. What are they on? A muggle T.V. show. Who's the hostess? Rita Skeeter. The contestants? They're magic folk. The prize? Whoever stays in the longest wins a million galleons...and the
1. A Million Galleons

**A Million Galleons I**

**By: Helen Li**

**  
**_Starring:  
Ron Weasley_

_Hermione Granger_

_Pansy Parkinson_

_Draco Malfoy_

Rita Skeeter, losing her job writing for the Daily Prophet, had moved onto the muggle world. She had gotten her new show, A Million Galleons to be produced. Of course muggles had no clue what galleons were, only that this was a show and it wasn't real. Or at least not to them.

The show was going to have five wizards/witches put into a muggle car, specifically a British mini cooper. They had to see how long they could last there, only to leave to go to the bathroom, which they had approximately five minutes to go.

The winner, obviously, the last one remaining, would receive one million galleons. So for the grand opening of her show, Rita picked out the most unusual people, although not too unusual for me and you.

Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, and Draco Malfoy were on the first episode. (Harry had enough money already and wasn't accepted onto the show.) There were only four people mentioned, but it didn't matter, it was cramped enough in the mini.

"Ugh, filthy mudblood, why must I be stuck sitting next to you?" Malfoy groaned.

"No one said I wanted to sit next to you either." Hermione shot back.

"I'm hungry," Ron sighed.

"I totally forgot my mirror," Pansy complained.

"There's a mirror right there," Hermione pointed at the rear view mirror while rolling her eyes.

"Well of course a _mudblood _would know how a muggle appliance would work." Pansy sneered.

"Shut it Pansy before I show you how my fist works." Hermione said, smiling with fake sweetness.

"I'm hungry," Ron repeated.

"Yes, Weasley, we know your family can't afford food, but there's no need to-"Malfoy began.

The only reason he didn't finish was the fact that Ron's fist was about to connect with his mouth, until Ron realized he would be disqualified.

"If you're so rich, Malfoy, why are you here?" Ron spat back.

"Well it's obvious, I can't let any of you three get more money than me, and I mean a million galleons are almost as much as the Malfoy inheritance I'll receive. So I must keep myself upscale and if a mudblood or Weasley became wealthier than me, I'd simply die." Malfoy drawled.

"Want to know another way you'll simply die?" Ron growled.

"Hey Ron, you know the rules, we can't have any horse playing, also known as physical contact." Hermione reminded him gently.

"Well you being next to me is definitely physical contact." Malfoy grumbled.

Hermione began to insult Malfoy, but thought he was right, there simply wasn't enough room. So she came up with a brilliant plan.

"Hey Pansy, I hear there's a 50 off sale at Elledge's Robes." Hermione smirked.

"_50 off?! _Then I can finally get those ruby red robes I wanted, the sapphire blue, the emerald green, the diamond crystal, the pearl white, and the topaz orange!" Pansy exclaimed.

"Um yes Pansy, you could get all of that." Hermione grinned. "You could go now since the sales only today and I'll save you your spot here in the mini."

"But if we leave this thing aren't we going to lose automatically?" Pansy asked confused.

Malfoy was about to answer when he thought about it and decided it was best for her to leave as well.

"Oh no Pansy that's what they _were _going to do but they changed the rules. I mean think about it, we're allowed to go to the bathroom." Hermione pointed out.

"True, well save me my spot and I might pick up a ruby red for you!" Pansy said, gushing over the new robes she could possibly by with such a sale.

But the moment she opened the door and stepped out Rita Skeeter came rushing at her.

"Oh no honey, you shouldn't have listened to Hermione, the manipulator. ("I am not a manipulator!" Hermione protested.) I'm sorry but you've lost." Rita said sympathetically.

But it was obviously fake, she was just absolutely overjoyed that some more action had taken place on her show and more people were tuning in to watch.

Hermione quickly moved to the front to sit next to Ron. Malfoy sat in the back grumbling about the 'mudblood' and 'Weasley.'

For the next couple of hours I will explain vaguely of what went on.

Ron complained about how hungry he was.

Hermione slept.

Malfoy complained about everything, even about complaining.

Then at last someone came to the car.

"I brought lunch." the man said dully.

"Oh good, what do we have?" Malfoy asked.

"Peanut butter and jelly. Enjoy." the man said sarcastically as he dumped the sandwiches onto Ron. "Oh and some chips and a coke."

"What is this peanut butter and jelly? And what are chips and 'coke'?" asked a very confused Malfoy.

"Malfoy this is a muggle program for muggle television, a muggle invention, so they must have muggle food!" Hermione exasperated.

"I unno buh this taysts good." Ron muffled through his sandwich.

"Be glad, Weasley, that this place offers food, unlike your home." Malfoy sneered.

Ron glared and stole some of Malfoy's chips.

"Hey! Those were mine, give it back Weasley! I didn't know you'd resort to stealing to get some food." Malfoy said angrily.

Ron rolled down his window, through out the chips he had stolen from Malfoy, and that was his reply.

"If you think you're going to trick me into getting those chips, think again." Malfoy smirked.

"No I just thought you would get pissed and sod off." Ron shot back.

Malfoy scowled and the three sat in the car, after finishing lunch for another five hours.

I shall try to explain what the three did in that amount of time as if it were amusing.

Ron complained he was hungry after the first hour.

Hermione slept.

Malfoy kept grumbling about his chips being out Ron's window, but not daring to get it.

They all went to a bathroom break after Hermione woke up.

The three began speaking, or bickering, again.

"Those chips look really good now." Ron drooled, staring at the Ruffles on the floor outside of the car.

Malfoy licked his lips and stared at the chips, too. Then Ron turned around and their eyes met, soon turning into a glare.

"Think you could reach it without opening the door to the car?" Malfoy asked hopefully.

"No, but if I could there wouldn't be anything in it for you." Ron said, smiling.

Malfoy frowned and the two boys sat staring at the chips, hoping it would just magically grow legs and walk inside of the car.

"Wow, another few hours until dinner." Hermione commented, hoping to achieve her goal.

"Few hours?" Malfoy gulped.

"Yeah and it's just the sandwiches again." Hermione sighed. It was working.

"I can't take it anymore! I need those chips!" Malfoy yelled as he opened the door and dove for the bag.

Rita came and dragged him away, not able to take the chips from him so she let him keep it.

"HA! MY CHIPS! MINE! THAT'S RIGHT, WEASLEY, I GOT THE CHIPS!" came a hysterical scream from Malfoy. He was delusional from the lack of food.

Ron stifled a giggle and managed to yell back, "When I win all the galleons who be able to buy more chips?"

Malfoy frowned at this and stomped off, pouting.

"It's just me and you." Hermione said quietly.

"Yup." Ron sighed in relief.

Ron's hand brushed by Hermione's as he reached for the bottled water. He blushed, and Hermione did, too.

"So..." Hermione began.

"You're...you're not with Viktor Krum still are you?" Ron asked hopefully.

"No, I ended that a long time ago." Hermione replied.

Then there were a few more minutes of silence.

"Hermione,"

"Ron,"

"You go first." Hermione said quickly.

"No you," Ron shook his head.

"I...I like you Ronald Weasley." Hermione said, smiling.

"I like you to Hermione Granger." Ron grinned back.

And the two hugged and embraced into a long, passionate kiss as if they were in a stupid muggle show, which they were.

"Come on Ron, let's both go out together so we both win and get the galleons and split it!" Hermione suggested.

"Good idea! We both lose, but both win!" Ron exclaimed.

So the two climbed out of the cooper, expecting galleons to appear immediately, but after they got out there was a surprise.

"Ha! I was the last one in the car, so I win!" Ginny yelled as she climbed out of the trunk.

"What? You-," Ron sputtered.

"Yup, older bro, I win the gold!" Ginny grinned adding an evil laugh.

So Rita came over and gave Ginny the gold, after going on and on about the details. Of course everyone who had watched before had seen what had happened, but Rita was still the tenacious reporter that she always was.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other and nodded. They both then ran and tackled Ginny, taking the gold away.

"Come on Ron! Let's go get married and buy a house and save the rest of the gold! We'll never have to work!" Hermione shouted happily.

And so they ran off, happily ever after.


	2. A Million Galleons II

**A Million Galleons II**

**By: Helen Li**

**  
**_Starring:  
Peter Pettigrew_

_Sirius Black_

_James Potter_

_Remus Lupin_

A Million Galleons was an absolute hit with Rita Skeeter. The whole muggle world knew her name, although they didn't know her true identity. So, naturally, many tuned in to the new episode.

The five contestants, only four mentioned, were: Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus. The four were still in their bodies as a student at Hogwarts', trapped in the future. However they were informed of what would happen in their future, our present.

"So..." Peter said awkwardly, trying to break the silence.

"Shut up, traitor." Sirius snapped.

Peter immediately shut his mouth. James sighed, letting go of his Snitch, grabbing it again, and repeating the process.

"You know maybe I _won't _switch sides since-"Peter began.

"SHUT UP." Sirius growled.

"Bloody hell you made me lose my concentration." James cursed as the Snitch fluttered out of his hand.

The Snitch zoomed within the car as the four inside ducked. They stayed down for at least a couple of minutes until someone finally came up with a solution.

"Hold on, the Snitch is only going to keep on going. Let's catch it!" James finally realized their stupidity.

So all four flipped up and tried to grasp the swift Golden Snitch. James managed to catch it after the Snitch slowed down...due to hitting Peter in the head. Peter slumped down, unconscious, as James held on tight to the Snitch.

"Oh well," Sirius shrugged as he glanced at Peter. "It would have happened anyways."

"Say, it is quite crowded in here." Remus noted.

"Really, ya think?" James rolled his eyes.

"Well_ I_ can make some room in here." Remus shot back. He opened up the door next to Peter and nudged him out. Rita immediately came.

"Well according to our rules you cannot _force _a contestant out of the car, but Peter was unconscious so our judges have voted it alright!" Rita said happily. She dragged Peter out of the set.

"Remind me why again I signed up for this stupid thing?" Sirius groaned.

"The money, my friend, the money." James answered Sirius' question, patting him on the back.

"I really don't want to go against you two." Sirius said quietly. "I mean we're all mates and all."

"With Peter gone it's just between the three of us," James added.

"Nope, there's another one in here, too." Remus shook his head as he looked around.

"And who would that be?" Sirius raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah, how do _you _know?" James crossed his arms.

"Well it's quite obvious isn't it? There's only _three _of us when there should be four. If there's supposed to be five contestants and Peter's gone, so who's the fourth? Well I say we get rid of that guy first and _then _we all walk out together. I'm not sure what the rule is, but I would think that we'd just have to split it if we all went out together." Remus explained.

"This is why you do my homework, Moony." Sirius sighed.

"Yup." James agreed.

"Okay so then let's figure out who this mystery guy is and _where _he is." Sirius declared.

"Who says it's a guy?" James pointed out.

Sirius thought for a moment and then closed his mouth.

"I suspect it's not in this area of the car, perhaps the trunk." Remus said, ignoring James' comment.

"I didn't know that you knew so much about cars." James said in awe.

"Look Prongs, if I'm going to be stuck in one to win some money I think I'll do my research." Remus rolled his eyes.

James looked at Sirius and shrugged.

"I say we act as if we have no clue he or she is in the car. Then one of us can apparate into the trunk to see who's there. If we scare it enough, maybe it'll accidentally opened the trunk and therefore lose!" Sirius said excitedly.

"I must say this is one of your better plans, Padfoot." Remus acknowledged.

"What can I say; I take on from the smartest." Sirius grinned.

"Uh, but I still say Moony does our homework." James said nervously.

"I concur." Sirius agreed.

"Well, what's the point I mean we _are _going to be dead." James changed his mind.

"Ah, but I'd like to die with good marks." Sirius pointed out. "I mean who would want to be known as the dumb bloke who really deserved to die from his ignorance?"

"Hey..." James protested.

"Alright you two I'll still do your homework, now let's _get this mystery person out!_" Remus exclaimed.

"Moony, Moony, Moony, patience!" Sirius said, shaking his finger in front of Remus' face.

James randomly burst into laughter.

"Moony...Moony...Moony?" James laughed.

"You two pull yourselves together, now who's apparating into the trunk?" Remus said impatiently.

"Hold on, how _are _we if we haven't a wand?" James frowned.

"Yes, this _is _why I do your homework. I snuck it in, it wasn't that hard really." Remus sighed.

"How?!" Sirius exclaimed with his eyes opened wide.

"I'll tell you later."

"Promise?"

"YES PADFOOT I PROMISE."

"Jeez, no need to freak out on me."

"Just...shut...up."

"Okay, okay, okay."

"Well I don't want to go into the trunk." James decided.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Oh come on it could be like...Severus! You know how awkward that would be in a _trunk _with him?" James shuddered.

"You're right; I'm not going either then." Sirius agreed.

"And who says I am?" Remus arched his eyebrow.

"Fine then, let's settle it the adult way." James declared.

_One minute later..._

"Rock, paper, scissors! Damn!" James cursed.

"That's two out of three, no more excuses. YOU GO!" Sirius said.

"Why am I so _bad _at that game?" James groaned.

"That's because you always do rock." Remus shrugged.

"That's because rock beats everything!" James snapped.

"Well our paper beat your rock." Sirius pointed out.

"Ah, so that's what it is! Paper beats everything!" James declared.

"Nevermind...just go!" Sirius said impatiently.

"Hand me the wand," James said uncertainly.

Remus gave James the wand.

"Here goes nothing..." James squeezed his eyes shut.

_Pop!_

_Pop!_

A scream was heard from the trunk compartment. Sirius and Remus were facing the trunk, awaiting to see who the mystery person was. But then there was silence.

"What's taking so long?" Remus murmured.

"Maybe James got scared too so they both fell unconscious!" Sirius suggested.

Remus looked at Sirius and shook his head and sighed.

"I think we would have heard a thump if they hit the trunk." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Oh. Righto." Sirius replied. "Let's go find out who it is..."

"Sure, after you." Remus said, smiling. Sirius only realized his mistake after he opened the door and stepped out.

"Oh, so sorry, seems like you're all going faster then the last time!" Rita laughed.

Sirius glared and pouted.

Rita glared back and dragged him away. Remus gave a sympathetic smile and sat back down. He waited patiently as he stared at the trunk. Suddenly there was a scream. Following that there was a yell. And finally the trunk popped open and out jumped the mystery person, but James was still inside.

"JAMES POTTER YOU ARE THE MOST-MOST-DISGUSTING GUY I KNOW!" Lily screeched.

"What can I say?" James grinned, still lying down.

"Well you two can sort this out later, sorry honey but you're out!" Rita said with a fake honey voice.

Lily glared and pouted. Rita glared and tried to drag her away. Lily got mad and hit Rita, making her fall down unconscious.

"Hey...if _she's _the hostess and _she's _unconscious then..." James said thoughtfully.

"GET THE MONEY!" Lily yelled as she pointed at the suitcase filled with galleons that was off the set. The cameras followed the three as they dove for the money.

"IT'S MINE!" James roared.

"I think not my friend." Remus shot back.

"I THINK WE SHOULD JUST SPLIT IT! Well, Remus and I." Lily said.

"Why not me?" James said, hurt.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IGNORANT JERK!" Lily retorted.

James pouted and shut up.

_Five minutes later..._

"Okay so that's four hundred thousand, ninety thousand, nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety nine galleons for me, four hundred thousand, ninety thousand, nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety nine galleons for you, and two galleons for James." Lily counted.

"What? I only get two? Aren't I supposed to get rich when I grow up? I mean, how is TWO GALLEONS going to help me?" James protested.

"Well perhaps the fortune comes from Lily since you two are supposed to 'marry'. Oh, and have a child." Remus added.

Lily glared at Remus. Remus did the smartest thing he could, he ran. Lily chased Remus around the set as James stole some extra galleons. Then Lily and Remus stopped and chased James, knocking him down and stealing _all _of the galleons. Including James' two galleons.


	3. A Million Galleons III

**A Million Galleons III**

**By: Helen Li**

**  
**_Starring:  
Lucius Malfoy_

_Headmaster Dumbledore_

_Professor McGonagall_

_Professor Snape_

_Professor Trelawney_

Rita Skeeter had become one of the wealthiest witches because of her show. She had transferred her British pounds into Galleons in a flash. She was pretty close to a million galleons.

Well, wanting to reach _her _goal of a million galleons, she brought up a new cast, a lot different, but still from Hogwarts. However this time she didn't mention who it was on T.V., although the few witches and wizards who watched knew right away.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked Lucius as he sat in the middle of the backseat.

Lucius stared at Dumbledore as if he had three heads and then replied,

"No you ignorant fool; I don't want any lemon drops."

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked as his forehead crinkled.

"YES I am quite sure."

"They're really good you know." Dumbledore went on as he put another sour lemon drop on his tongue.

"I DON'T BLOODY CARE IF THEY'RE GOOD. LOOK YOU OLD BLOKE, _DON'T _TALK TO ME." Lucius roared.

"Oh shut it Lucius." McGonagall snapped.

"Oh really? MAKE ME." Lucius sneered. Well Lucius certainly was acting a LOT like his son. Really too much like Draco in fact. Actually, it was scaring most of the sane people in the mini cooper.

"I'm not immature enough to play games, Lucius." McGonagall shot back.

"Well aren't you _here on a game show_?" Lucius retorted.

"Well aren't _you _supposed to be a 'Malfoy', also known as absurdly wealthy and snobby? So why on earth would _you _need a million galleons?" McGonagall smirked.

McGonagall really had a wicked tongue. Lucius frowned and crossed his arms, pretending to be staring at something outside of the window.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked Snape who was sitting to his right. Snape was sleeping, actually. In fact he had missed the whole thing.

"What?" Snape asked groggily.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore repeated.

"You...woke...me...up...to...ask...if...I...wanted...a...lemon...drop." Snape said in a sleepy angry voice.

"Precisely," Dumbledore shrugged.

"NO. I DO NOT WANT A LEMON DROP." Snape yelled as he turned back around and fell back asleep, snoring.

Dumbledore shrugged again and ate the lemon drop he was holding in his hand.

"AHA! I'VE GOT IT!" Trelawney suddenly cried.

"What?" McGonagall asked.

"Well it was hard getting the precise ray of sunlight that I needed, but according to the Sun Graph well...one of us in here has a dark omen." Trelawney said dramatically.

"Oh really?" McGonagall raised her eyebrow.

"Yes Minerva, I'm sorry to say...it's you." Trelawney sobbed.

"Mm, well I suppose I'll die just like you predicted Harry would. Yet he hasn't." McGonagall said sarcastically.

"Actually Sibyll is right, we all are going to die one day, are we not?" Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

"Unfortunately your day hasn't come yet," Lucius muttered.

"And your day could well be today." McGonagall growled.

On T.V. all viewers could hear Rita saying, "Jeez that Minerva may be an old lady, but she sure is fighsty!"

"COULD I JUST GET ONE MINUTE OF SILENCE SO I COULD POSSIBLY SLEEP?" Snape burst out in fury.

"Sleeping in a mini cooper is a bad, bad omen." Trelawney started.

"YES I KNOW I'M GOING TO 'DIE' OR WHATEVER. NOW JUST SHUT UP." Snape yelled.

"Well you see we sort of are in a small, enclosed area. That means it's kind of hard to _not _be heard." Lucius rolled his eyes.

"WELL IF YOU SHUT UP WE WOULDN'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM, NOW WOULD WE?" Snape threatened.

Lucius opened his mouth to retaliate, but McGonagall replied before him.

"Look Lucius, face it, no one likes you! No one likes your son either. Oh and your wife is a plain loser. So just shut up and maybe you won't get your arse kicked."

"Who are you and what have you done with Minerva?" Snape said slowly.

"I'm fine; I just sort of...get disorientated when I'm in a small area. I guess I'm sort of claustrophobic. Well that and since there aren't hundreds of students around..." McGonagall shrugged.

"What does clawstruphobyc mean?" Lucius asked.

"SHUT UP." Snape snapped.

"That's what it means?" Lucius asked, confused.

"NO YOU IDIOT, IT MEANS TO BE AFRAID TO BE IN SMALL SPACES." McGonagall shouted irritably.

"Well then _why didn't you just say so_?" Lucius gritted between his teeth.

Snape lunged at Lucius, grabbing his shirt.

"MAYBE BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU."

"Get your hands off of me, traitor." Lucius sneered.

By this time Minerva McGonagall was _very _annoyed. So as Snape sat back down in his seat (Dumbledore felt quite awkward being in the middle of the two. So he ate a lemon drop) Minerva punched Lucius whose nose became very bloody.

"AH MY BLOODY NOSE!" Lucius panicked as he grabbed Dumbledore's robes, trying to cease the blood.

"Why yes, it is indeed a _bloody _nose. Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked casually. He didn't seem to notice his _bloody _robes.

"HEADMASTER! THERE'S BLOOD ALL OVER YOUR ROBES!" McGonagall exclaimed as she pointed out the obvious to someone who didn't quite see it.

Dumbledore peered at Lucius who looked up and glared. Well while suppressing his blood that was still gushing out of his nose.

"Why yes I do believe that is blood." Dumbledore said calmly. "Now, lemon drop?"

Another outburst soon came from Snape.

"THAT'S IT I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! _NO ONE WANTS A BLOODY LEMON DROP_! AND STOP SAYING 'WHY YES' LIKE YOU'RE SO DAMNED SMART! I'M OUT OF HERE! YOU ALL ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!" Snape yelled as he opened the door and ran out like a girl.

"Well there's no need to ask _him _to leave," Rita chuckled as she stood by the mini cooper and camera.

Everyone in the mini cooper glared at Rita as she slowly backed away.

"Now why did he call my lemon drop bloody? My robes are bloody indeed, but my lemon drops are in my other pocket..." Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

Minerva just shook her head, Trelawney was busy with her telescope toy, and Lucius passed out from all of the blood. Minerva reached over and managed to open the door, nudging Lucius out. She had watched the previous show and was quite pleased with the two eliminations in such a short amount of time. Rita didn't even bother to come, she was rather afraid of Minerva at the moment.

"THIS IS IT! WE ARE ALL DOOMED!" Trelawney cried out.

Minerva rolled her eyes as Dumbledore looked thoughtfully while tasting his lemon drop. Trelawney turned around to ramble on about the dark omens, but when she saw the blood all over Dumbledore's robes, she gave a shrill scream and then passed out.

"Thank goodness," Minerva muttered. Again she opened the door next to Trelawney and pushed her out.

"Wow, two eliminations thanks to Minerva McGonagall! Now the last two contestants go head to head!" Rita exclaimed into her microphones. More people tuned into her show as Minerva glared at Rita. Rita gave a nervous smile and backed away again.

But for the next few hours the excitement died down as Minerva sat in the front, sleeping, and Dumbledore sat in the back eating yet another lemon drop.

Finally the food came, unfortunately Rita came along with it.

"This is the second time the contestants have made it to _lunch_." Rita gushed.

"Actually, there have only been _three _shows." Dumbledore pointed out.

Rita frowned and tried to ignore his comment.

Minerva opened her eyes and yawned. She looked at Rita and glared. Rita scurried away.

"Why is she so afraid of you two? It's not like you two are some sort of witch or wizard." the worker grumbled as he handed Minerva and Dumbledore two brown bags.

"Ah, do not limit your imagination." Dumbledore said softly as his eye twinkled.

The worker gave Dumbledore a strange looked and walked off, muttering 'old people these days.'

So Minerva and Dumbledore ate their lunches quietly and went back to what they were doing earlier. Sleeping and eating lemon drops. The only other movement was Minerva opening the window (it was getting quite hot)...and falling back asleep.

Well, Minerva seemed to have a habit that no one knew of. She would sleep walk and talk most of the time. So, when she sat up straight and started a conversation with Dumbledore, but with her eyes closed, the Headmaster suspected something.

"You want a lemon drop, don't you?" Dumbledore questioned Minerva suspiciously.

"Sure," Minerva murmured dreamily.

Dumbledore tossed the lemon drop, but it fell out of the opened window. Minerva turned robotically to the window.

"Oh dear, I've seem to have missed the lemon drop. I'll retrieve it." Minerva said monotonously. She opened the door and stepped outside. Rita, hoping that Minerva wouldn't notice her in her sleep, rushed out.

"I'm sorry dear, but you've lost! The winner is Professor Dumbledore!" Rita shouted happily.

Minerva snapped out and looked around, in a daze. As her eyes fell upon Rita, she soon formed a glare.

"_Who _won?" Minerva said dangerously.

"D-D-Dumbledore." Rita said nervously as she looked around for a chance to escape.

"Oh, is that so?" Minerva threatened as she took a few daring steps towards the frightened hostess.

"Well, um, I mean he-he won the million galleons and the car..." Rita rambled on.

Minerva stopped short and narrowed her eyes.

"But I mean, second place gets some galleons, too." Rita said quickly.

Minerva formed a small and folded her arms. Rita tossed Minerva her coin purse as she ran away. Minerva chuckled to herself as Dumbledore stepped out.

"Lemon drop?"


	4. A Million Galleons IV

**A Million Galleons IV**

**By: Helen Li**

**Dedicated to: Shanmo**

_Starring:  
Voldemort_

"_Professor" Lupin_

_Ron Weasley_

_Mad-Eye-Moody_

_A cat_

This was a special episode. And why is that? Well, Rita Skeeter had a lot of trouble convincing Voldemort to join the show since it _was_ for muggles. (Yet when she mentioned the million galleons, Voldemort had threatened her life if she didn't guarantee him a spot.) Mad-Eye-Moody was incredibly paranoid and took excessive persuasion to get him to join the show. ("Constant Vigilance!")

Professor Lupin was teaching at Hogwarts because we somehow turned back time so that was apparently considered a different person, and Ron was invited again by popular demand. Of course, we all love red heads!

Well, back to the show…

Voldemort had decided it was a bit humid in the car so he took of his hood, revealing himself.

"AAH! IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO!!" Ron screamed as he scooted as far as he could to the corner of the mini cooper. He was surprisingly put next to Voldemort.

"Where?" Voldemort looked around.

Ron's eyes widened as Voldemort's gaze fixed upon him.

"Look, kid, I don't want to have to hurt you…well, actually I do but that's not the point because the _bloody rules_ say I can't, so tell me who you're talking about." Voldemort's red eyes narrowed at Ron.

"You…" Ron croaked.

"…" Voldemort was confused.

"People refer to you as 'You-Know-Who.'" Professor Lupin explained.

The cat meowed.

"WHAT IS THAT CAT DOING HERE?!" Mad-Eye-Moody yelled as he, too, scooted back.

"What's your problem?" Ron rolled his eyes. "At least I have a valid reason of being petrified."

"You're not technically petrified _yet_…" Voldemort cackled.

"THE RULES! THE RULES!" Ron shouted to his defense.

"Damn…" Voldemort muttered.

"The cat won't hurt you, Moody." Professor Remus said gently.

"Oh, sure, be young and naive! ("Except that he's close to your age…" Ron said sarcastically.) CONSTANT VIGALANCE I SAY! CONSTANT VIGALANCE!" Moody said in a crazy way, his mad-eye darting around.

The cat purred.

"ARGH!" Mad-eye put his knees up on the chair, wrapped his arms around them, and rocked back and forth slowly.

"Heh, heh, that's what happens to most people that stand in my way…" Voldemort whispered evilly.

"Why are _you_ here?" Professor Lupin crossed his arms at Voldemort.

"Hey, it's expensive to hire all those Death Eaters." Voldemort protested.

"But isn't it true that the Death Eaters _want_ to join you?" Ron was confused.

"Yeah, that's part of the job description." Voldemort shrugged. "I guess they're good actors as well."

"You don't seem as evil as usual." Ron admitted.

"That's because I'm without my wand, there's those damned rules, and I WANT A MILLION GALLEONS!" Voldemort shouted at Ron.

Getting shouted by Voldemort is _not_ pretty. It's not because he's terribly frightening and his voice booms and is terrifying, but more of the fact that he needs a mint.

Ron began gagging.

"I'm…guessing…they…don't…allow…mints…either…" Ron managed to spit out.

"It's considered a 'type of food' which isn't allowed." Voldemort scowled.

The cat purred.

"HEY! THE CAT HAS CAT FOOD WITH IT!" Voldemort shouted angrily. "NO FAIR!"

"What, are you going to whine about it?" Professor Lupin rolled his eyes.

"No." Voldemort pouted.

"I _really_ didn't picture him like this…" Ron muttered to himself.

So as the hour passed, Ron pondered about 'Voldemort', Voldemort sulked, Mad-Eye watched everyone suspiciously, Professor Lupin read, and the cat started to eat its food.

"…that cat food…doesn't look so bad…" Voldemort licked his lips.

"No…it doesn't…" Ron murmured in hallucination as he saw it as a big turkey leg.

"MINE!" Voldemort yelled as he dove for the cat food. Well, more like leaned forward since a mini cooper doesn't have enough space to dive.

"NEVER!" Ron shouted back as he also…erm, leaned forward to grab it. This turned into a cat fight, and no not the ones where you wave your hands about like a stupid girl who can't fight. Wow, that sort of describes a lot of people, though. Anyways…the reason it was considered a cat fight was simply because the cat pounced on the two, scratching about. Needless to say, the cat had its food and Ron and Voldemort had their scratches.

"I don't see why the cat's allowed food…" Voldemort snapped.

"Well, the rule book doesn't mention animals." Professor Lupin shrugged.

"THEN WHY DO WE HAVE A BLOODY ANIMAL IN THE CAR?!" Voldemort raged on.

"I don't know…do _you_?" Moody eyed Voldemort.

"WHY ARE YOU SO SUSPICIOUS OF ME?! HOW WOULD I KNOW WHY THE CAT IS IN HERE?!" Voldemort thundered.

Ron and Professor Lupin gave Voldemort a weird look and burst out laughing.

"What?" Voldemort spoke sharply.

"Why do you think Mad-Eye's suspicious of you? Could it be the fact that you've murdered many muggles and muggle-borns, not to mention numerous wizards and witches?" Ron said after realizing maybe it wasn't a good thing to laugh about.

Voldemort looked thoughtful for a minute and then said,

"Is Dr. Pepper really a Doctor?"

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA?!" Ron exclaimed.

"I dunno…maybe Dr. Pepper endorses tea and that changes the price down in China? Or is it up?" Voldemort pondered aloud.

"How do you even _know_ about Dr. Pepper? That's a muggle drink!" Lupin pointed out.

"Exactly my point. I once killed a muggle who held a can that said 'Dr. Pepper' on it." Voldemort explained. "I tasted it afterwards and it wasn't bad."

"I suppose it _could_ be a real doctor, but I think it's just a name." Lupin contemplated.

The cat moved its head so it looked like it had nodded.

"THE CAT! IT NODDED! I'M TELLING YOU, THAT IS…THAT'S…UM…NOT GOOD!" Moody yelled at the cat. The cat merely gave an amused look…if cats can do that.

"Hey, there's a guy coming towards us and he's carrying cans that say 'Dr. Pepper' on it." Ron pointed at the man walking over towards them with their lunch.

"FOOD!" Voldemort shouted gleefully.

"Ah, and how exactly did you know _that_?!" Moody once again was accusing Voldemort of…well, something.

"…because he's carrying food?" Ron rolled his eyes.

"LET VOLDEMORT ANSWER THE QUESTION!" Moody barked.

"Because he's carrying food…?" Voldemort repeated after Ron.

"Very well…" Moody muttered.

Ron grabbed the food from the man right away and everyone fought over their share. But when Lupin grabbed his brown bag it flew out of his hands and out the window. Fortunately it landed quite close to the car, close enough that he thought about grabbing it. _Oh they won't notice if I do it discreetly…_

So during the loud, random rambles of Voldemort, Ron, and Mad-Eye's outbursts or paranoia, he slowly inched down into his seat and cracked the door open just a little.

Too late. The car alarm went off, causing everyone in there to jump up. Well, cat's cant exactly 'jump' so the cat just bounced. But can cats bounce? Eh, I guess.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" Mad-Eye shouted madly. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! CONSTANT VIGALANCE!"

And with that he ran out of the car in a crazy fury.

"Sorry, we have an _alarm_ on the car so we know you've gone out!" Rita sang. She called for two guards and they dragged Lupin and Mad-eye away.

Finally the alarm stopped so Voldemort and Ron slowly pulled their hands from their ears. The cat stayed under the chair, however.

"What's an _alarm_?" Voldemort wondered out loud.

"Apparently that bloody loud racket." Ron said sourly.

The cat meowed from beneath the chair. It was thinking to itself that it needed to get rid of one of the two humans left, so it secretly chose its prey. It was thinking…

_KILL THE TALL HUMAN FREAK!_(Also known as Voldemort.)

So it pounced on Voldemort and began to scratch furiously with a few bites here and there. Hey, you got to add variety to your hits.

Ron just started with his eyes wide and scooted back, allowing Voldemort to deal with the cat.

"AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA! BLOODY HELL, GIVE ME MY WAND! ARGH! CRUCIO! NO!!!!" Voldemort fell out of the mini cooper. He crawled away with his leg limp (that cat was VICIOUS), and was then helped up by one of the guards and thrown out of the building.

"Two contestants left! Now _what_ shall happen?" Rita said happily on T.V.

"I guess cats can attack since it's not in the _rule book_." Ron sulked.

But then the cat started to change…into a human…into _PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL_?!

"PROFESSOR?!" Ron was completely horrified.

"Well, I decided to play against the last person fair and square." McGonagall shrugged.

"Aw, but that isn't considered fair since you've already _been_ on the show and wasn't invited back by popular demand! Sorry, you're not a red head." Rita apologized in a non-apologetic way, and reached out to get McGonagall out of the car, but immediately pulled back as she saw the glare.

McGonagall muttered curses as she walked out of the studio.

"And the winner is…Ron Weasley!" Rita announced proudly.

Ron just took the galleons and left.

_Interviews…_

"So how did it feel being the first person to be eliminated?" Rita asked Lupin.

"Well, I won't say I was _first_ since there _was _Mad-Eye…"

"What did you feel after losing?" Ron questioned Mad-Eye.

Moody's eye darted around frantically.

"CONSTANT VIGALANCE! CONSTANT VIGALANCE I SAY!" was his reply.

"What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?" Rita crossed her arms.

Voldemort suddenly apparated next to Rita (he got his wand back).

"Well, perhaps constant vigilance was the name of a type of tea so that sort of altered the price…"

"…uh, whatever. But since you're here, how did _you_ feel being attacked by a cat to the walk of shame?" Rita asked.

"…uh…it hurts? And where _is_ the walk of shame?" Voldemort wondered aloud.

"Wow, you really fooled us Minerva!" Rita laughed nervously. "So, how did you feel the whole time?"

"All I have to say is…cat food doesn't taste too bad when you're a cat."

A/N: Weird ending, weird story, but nevertheless review! Sorry for the super long wait!

Thank you to:  
**fred**: Love ya more! Meow.  
**hi**: Hehe, here's the new cast! Sorry for the long wait.

**LiLAzNGrL8790**: Actually Smart Guy, but close enough.

**JadedChic89**: Awesome, I love mini coopers, too, haha.

**Ronniekinsgrl**: Thanks!

And to everyone else!


	5. A Million Galleons V

**A Million Galleons V**

**By: Helen Li**

**Dedicated to: Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's**

_Starring:  
Fred Weasley_

_George Weasley_

_Filch_

_Draco Malfoy_

_Mrs. Norris_

Rita Skeeter had done her research to find people that would definitely clash on her show. Naturally she figured Fred and George wouldn't do so well with Filch, Draco didn't do well with anyone, and Rita flat out liked the other cat's performance.

"Why am I stuck with _you two_?" Filch growled. He had some bad experiences with the twins…

"Hey! You still have our Bertie Bott's that you took from our third year." Fred remembered the old hag-I mean man.

"Not really, but they were quite tasteful." Filch gave an evil toothy grin as he pet his meowing cat.

"You did _not_ eat it…" George's jaw dropped.

"Of course he did, what, you two can't afford any more?" Draco sneered with his arms crossed. He was invited back purely because his father bought him a spot on the show. I mean, why by popular demand! Who _doesn't_ like a pompous blonde-haired jerk that has a pointed face?

"I think we can since we _do_ own our _own_ business? What do you own? Daddy?" Fred said sweetly. He laughed along with George and tossed Draco a box of Bertie Bott's.

"How did you sneak these in!" Draco's eyes widened as he grabbed the box.

"Oh come on, it's us…" George rolled his eyes. "Not to brag or anything…"

Draco scowled at the two, but opened the box and began to chew what he thought were Bertie Bott's.

Now there are many things we should understand in this world. Do not take food from strangers, for example. However there are exceptions to this rule. If you know Fred and George and they offer you food…you should still refuse it.

Draco seemed to realize this a bit too late as he had already eaten one. As he watched the twins crack up, he knew he was in for something bad…something _very_ bad.

He began to sprout daisies all over his hair. Now if it were a little girl who liked to make necklaces out of daisies, she might have enjoyed it. However, this is Slytherin Draco who wouldn't like anything but to kill all the muggle-borns in the world…so he didn't exactly like it.

"What did you do to it?" Draco panicked. He checked his arms, they were fine, his robes, fine, his face, felt fine, and then…his hair…

"WHAT IS IN MY BLOODY HAIR!" he roared.

"I personally think it looks better than that slimy, blonde hair, if that's what you want to call it." Fred shrugged.

"Yeah, your hair was _hazardous_. I mean, have people been blinded when they've walked down the hallways at Hogwarts? Your hair _was_ awfully bright…" George added with a mischievous grin.

"Fix…it…" Draco gritted between his teeth.

"Can't." Fred said cheerfully.

"Wands aren't allowed on the show." George whispered.

Now let me explain one more thing that everyone should know. If you're watching a show and they talk about wands…generally it's not real. However the exception to _this_ rule would be of course A Million Galleons. Who would have thought it was real? Just because it's a 'reality' show doesn't really mean anything nowadays…

"NEITHER ARE BERTIE BOTT'S!" yelled Draco in a frustrated way.

"…they should whip kids on this show…" Filch muttered. He had fallen asleep but was awoken briefly by Draco's outburst.

Mrs. Norris was as well, but she stayed awake. In fact she saw the daisies in Draco's hair and was reminded of the old days when she used to pounce in gardens…filled with daisies…_ah, the good days_.

Poor (unfortunately not literally) Draco now found himself with a cat in his hair.

"ARGH!" Draco yelled. "GET OFF! I BETTER BLOODY WIN THE GALLEONS!"

"Not that you need it since you have _daddy_." Fred snorted. He and George sat back and watched in amusement.

Draco managed to wrestle the cat off, along with many daisies. Now dirt had fallen out of his hair as new daises popped out.

"Well I can't let a Weasley become rich, can I? That would completely reverse your whole history." Draco smirked.

Fred narrowed his eyes, and before George could stop him (not that he really felt like it), Draco found himself full of daisies and bruises.

"GET OFF!" Draco growled. Unfortunately it didn't work with Mrs. Norris or Fred.

And it was such a coincidence that Rita Skeeter should come _after_ Draco was knocked unconscious. (She needed the fight to spice up her show…)

"Aw, rule number three! No fighting!" she shook her finger at Fred. "Now Fred…er-George…um, well, Mr. Weasley, you're eliminated!"

"Jeez, I'm _George_. Can't you figure out your own contestants?" Fred shook his head as he walked off.

"Right, well then George…it was nice having you here! Maybe you'll make it back with your brother!" Rita called as if she had known his name the whole time.

"Only kidding. I'm Fred." Fred shrugged before he apparated.

"Right." Rita said quickly. "Well I decided to deliver lunch to you personally!"

With that she dumped three brown sacks and a bowl of cat food in the mini cooper. She had just added 'animals' to all her rules so it would apply to everyone.

"One down, one to go." Draco glared at George as he woke up from his slight concussion.

"Actually, I think it's worth it, having George knock you down." George shrugged as he stuffed the brown bag in his robe, bringing out something more pleasant to eat.

"I thought that was Fred…" Draco replied, confused.

"Yeah, it was. I'm George." George grinned. "Or maybe I'm not. But I could be. Hm, who knows?"

"Doesn't matter, you're both bloody annoying." Filch grumbled as he awoke to eat his lunch.

"If they have something watching us, why don't they see you eating outside food!" Draco complained.

"…why did they let Fred/George knock you unconscious?" George rolled his eyes.

"True…" Draco scowled.

"That's George." Filch said in between chews. He was eating his sandwich and was staring at George intensely.

Mrs. Norris meowed in agreement.

"How can you tell!" Draco exclaimed as he unwrapped his muggle sandwich.

"Well, if you look _really_ closely…like super close…like right up in front…there's a small scar on his nose." Filch said slowly as he squinted his eyes at George.

"Or I could have charmed it there before I came so you would be fooled." George shrugged.

Filch and Draco frowned. Mrs. Norris hissed.

"Oh why do I even care?" Draco muttered to himself.

"Hey I didn't even notice your stupid cat until now," George laughed as he threw some chips at Mrs. Norris. Mrs. Norris growled. "Whoa, I didn't know cats could _growl_…"

"I didn't know Weasleys could have money," Draco smirked.

"I didn't know kids couldn't be whipped, that's how I lost my job…" Filch grumbled.

"So that's why you're on here," George murmured with a grin. "Well now that I know that you can't get back at my younger siblings with anything I do in here, I think that changes things a bit."

"Oh no…" Filch realized what he was in for.

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS; IT KEEPS GOING ON AND ON MY FRIENDS…" George began to sing the most annoying song in the world.

"What's going on?" Draco was now frightened by the awful singing and the irritating song.

"_That_ is what drove me to whip those kids," Filch covered his ears as he shot the dirtiest look to George.

"How do you stop it!" Draco moaned as he covered his ears.

Filch grinned his toothy smile.

"George hates alarms so if you open your door he'll stop and then you'll be able to annoy him." He lied. It took a lot of effort to keep from laughing his sinister laugh.

Draco immediately saw his mistake when he opened the door and Rita came rushing at him with the alarms going off.

"You-you," Draco sputtered as Rita began rambling on about how inevitable his defeat was, how _feeble_ Draco was.

"You know, that's not a good idea. His father is still a Death Eater," George pointed out to Rita.

"Look kid, they paid to get on here and I've got the money so sod off," Rita's annoyed side came on.

"Jeez, what did you eat this morning?" George muttered.

"A CANARY CREAM," Rita shouted.

"Well that explains the attitude," George rolled his eyes as he slouched back in his seat and proceeded to go to sleep.

"What? Can't threaten to have me fired!" Filch laughed evilly at the sulky Slytherin.

"This isn't over," Draco spat before being yanked out of the mini cooper and off the stage.

"THIS ISN'T OVER, YOU HEAR ME FILCH! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL," Draco was silenced by Rita, but nevertheless kept mouthing horrid words and torture threats.

"Erm, well the last two-I mean three contestants are left!" Rita remembered Mrs. Norris who was keeping a low profile. She left after the cat gave her a deadly look, if cats can do that, and left the three to themselves.

"What do you say we get rid of him?" Filch whispered to his cat. Mrs. Norris purred in response.

Filch slowly pushed the door by George out a smidge with his coke can so that not a single part of him was out of the car. Then he motioned at Mrs. Norris to finish the job.

She pounced on George, giving him quite a scare as he yelled and fell back onto the door, opening it fully and falling onto the ground. Then Rita rushed back out again to bid farewell to the second twin.

"Bloody cat, Fred and I will invent some cat food _especially_ for her," George gave a threat that made sense coming from him but no one else (save Fred) before disapparating.

"Well, guess it's just you and me," Filch sighed as Mrs. Norris crept into the front seat next to Filch.

An hour passed by as the two sat in silence with sometimes Filch talking to Mrs. Norris about random things and her purring back.

"You know, why don't you just let me win? I'd buy you anything you'd wish for and besides, what would _you_ need that money for?" Filch was getting tired of sitting in the car. He had tried standing up to stretch but needless to say he hit his head on the top of the car and muttered curses as he gave up and sat back down.

Mrs. Norris thought to herself, 'Oh sure, the cat couldn't possibly spend that money! Give me a break! Two words: Cat City.'

The infamous city was where all the cats dwelled and where Mrs. Norris tried with all her might to make it there. She wasn't able to afford a place there, but with those million galleons she'd rule the city!

And although Filch was her long companion, she really wanted to be around cats like her. So she did what she didn't want to, but had to do…

She pounced on Filch, scratching here and there. She made sure not to leave any permanent scars, though.

"BLOODY HELL WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! IT WAS THOSE DAMNED BERTIE BOTTS I FED YA, WASN'T IT?" Filch shouted crazily as he, too, fell on the door and Mrs. Norris conveniently placed her paw on the knob, causing him to fall out as well.

And then that was Rita's cue to come back on stage so everyone could see her ugly, I mean beautiful face. Heck, what's the point of lying in a story? Her butt ugly face, so there!

"Wow this is the first time in history ("She's had _four_ shows, _four!_" grumbled Filch. "What sort of history is that!") that a _cat_ has won the money," Rita marveled over the outcome. "So what are you planning the do with the money?"

Horror overcame Mrs. Norris as she realized that it would be almost impossible for her to communicate…so she meowed, hoping they'd understand that she wanted to go to Cat City.

"How about a nice wittle mouse?" Rita cooed as she dangled a mouse toy in front of Mrs. Norris.

_How dare she toy that incompetent animal in front of me! Damn you, female human! Take me to Cat City or forever hold your peace!_

Needless to say Rita understood nothing of Mrs. Norris' meows which became hisses. She soon found herself with scratches all over, some that would leave scars for the rest of her life.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED! NO ONE GETS THE MONEY!" Rita screeched.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Filch wailed. "YOU IDIOT CAT, WE COULD HAVE SPLIT IT!"

And so it was also the first time in history that no one received the prize.

A/N: Wow it took a while for this update, but I just realized I had started it and gotten far but left it hanging so I quickly finished it up. Hope you liked it and ideas for future casts would help!

Thank you's:  
**shy-n-great**: Thanks for the nice reviews.  
**A Plot Twist**: lol I'm sorry about your drink!  
**Super Shayde**: There should be more to come if I haven't another writer's block, but that I can't guarantee.  
**Poodle Luva**: I think I've already replied to that…but if not, it's quite obvious I'm not meaning to be sexist and you're overreacting. It's those sorts of 'I'm offended' comments that ruin society. Really, get over it.  
**foxeran**: I went back and fixed my mistakes. I didn't know it mattered _that_ much since I see that you did recognize what I meant. I do recall mentioning in that chapter that this was the professor Lupin instead of the young marauder one.  
**Karana Belle**: There hopefully will be more!  
**Damia**: This one's for you.  
**jonadark**: Thank you! Yeah I am actually weird in real life LOL.  
**shanmo**: haha no problem, you deserved the dedication.  
**Kylyla-San**: thanks!  
**sweetstrawberry211**: Glad you enjoyed it.


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